On September 1st 2020, as if life wasn’t complicated enough, my one got flipped on its head. I was lying in bed and I found a lump on my testicle. It was text book. The lump felt exactly what they say it feels like. Hard, fixed in place and it could be felt both sides, when I held the ball between my finger and thumb. At that moment fear enters the room and logic leaves. I thought the absolute worst. My pragmatic mind was not present at all. I was also home alone, it was midnight and I had nobody to talk with about it. After a couple of hours of worry I managed to formulate a plan. “I’m just going to go to the doctor and get it checked”. The next morning I toyed with the idea that I may have over reacted and “Ah, it’s not that bad, don’t be a hypochondriac!” but then I forced myself to examine it again. The courage here is very similar to cliff diving or turning that tap to cold in the shower. When I did check, I was reassured. “I’m not overreacting, I am not a Hypochondriac.” In this moment of Panic, which was bordering on an anxiety feeling, I got a FaceTime from a very close friend. I wouldn’t ever ignore their calls, especially this year, so I answered. Friends know when somethings wrong and I was finding it hard to disguise my stress from my face. Especially in this moment I should have been displaying excitement because I was going back to London after 7 months in lockdown in Ireland. Once I spend up and shared my concerns, and with encouragement, understanding but the right level of urgency, I took control of my health and became fully accountable. This conversation with a trusted friend made me address the urgency of such lumps and insisted speed was of the essence because of my age and the nature of a potential cancer in the testicles.

The Story of my journey through testicular cancer is well known to those who follow me on my socials and its a well documented journey, in fact raising awareness for early detection is so much part of what I do now and I’m very proud of that. I spend a lot of time talking about my experience and incorporating what I learned into helping other men feel more comfortable and confident in their mind and body. That said, there are parts that aren’t so obvious. There are questions people never feel brave enough to ask or in some cases it’s not appropriate to ask them. Some aspects of me Having Testicular cancer and recovering fully is to go back to the beautiful art of sex and intimacy and it was a big thing for me to get Back to it, I’d like to share that process which is more a lesson of the mind than it is of the act itself.